too late or too soon

I’ve been dreaming about England for most of my life so when my friends from Toronto said they’d be in London for a week, I didn’t hesitate to join them. I’d never taken the Eurostar through the Chunnel before and luckily Storm Goretti moved on and didn’t impact any of my trains. But it was very cold by the time I reached London and my hotel room had no heat…staying warm has been an ongoing issue here in France so I was not pleased. But I went to bed, slept well, and met my friends the next morning at the National Gallery. My French SIM card didn’t work so I had to pick up wifi when I could, but everything was close by and I was on time for all my appointments. My photos show lots of smiles yet sometime on Saturday I started to feel low. I’m not sure why. I had a migraine but I’m used to that and had medication on hand. I asked to be moved to another room in the hotel, which was a bit warmer. I went out in the evening to forage for food and the crowds in Covent Garden were daunting. Someone was sleeping on the pavement right outside a Tube station but the tourists just stepped over them and kept on shopping. It wasn’t the dream I’d been dreaming—maybe that’s what I realized.

So I moved my departure up a day and then my weekend (and mood) turned around. I saw some incredible art by Kerry James Marshall, hung out with my friends, and went to see Hamnet at a lovely indie cinema where everyone sat through the credits without complaint. I made my way back to France on Monday and while reading in the station in Paris, a man asked me for help getting to his hotel. And I managed to explain how to buy a card for the Metro—in French! I felt relieved to be back in a place where I now have a routine and some familiarity with how things work. I thought I knew the UK better than anywhere else but it didn’t feel that way last weekend.

I contacted my immigration lawyer this morning and told her I’m ready to proceed with the long-stay visa. I’ve been struggling to find a place to stay when my 90 days are up here in France and realized I could solve that problem by leaving my things here and returning to the US for a week or two to apply for a visitor visa. I will pay for the lawyer’s assistance and hopefully this application will be approved. I now know a few people here in Tours and at least one landlord; I know which neighborhoods work best for me. A big reason for this move was to save money and the UK is simply too expensive right now. I like the calm of Tours…went to the botanic garden again today and came home to write a few more poems. I start at a new language school on Monday and will go back to Paris next Tuesday to see more art with more friends. My friend from the other school wants to meet in Angers so I will do that this weekend. I’m okay with day trips; maybe I wasn’t ready for an overnight trip. Getting here was so hard and I’m still dealing with foolishness from the sale of my condo. The snake is still shedding its skin apparently…I have more to let go of and just need to give it time…

My agent and I have been following up with editors who’ve been sitting on my stories. If I apply for the visitor visa, I won’t be able to work here in France so I need to make sure I’m still earning money elsewhere. A SONG FOR JUNETEENTH will be out in May and we’ve started doing some publicity for that picture book. I’ve been “pitched” for a couple of panels so might be back in the US for those later this year. I sent out my latest newsletter last week; you can find it here. So many people responded with news of their own departure…I’m definitely not the only artist/activist living the expat life. If only I could stop watching US news…