bird at my window

Things were starting to get hectic: family conflict, grades due at 4pm, library workshop at 1pm, gotta sell my car, gotta clean out my office, gotta redeem myself after *forgetting* dinner plans with friends last night…and then I heard the birds outside my window.  I’m so glad we have a tree in our back alley; it’s nice to look outside and see its green, leafy canopy even if there’s nothing but concrete below.  The tree attracts birds, and despite the fact that I no longer put seed out on the fire escape, there have been several birds at my window lately.  Nothing more soothing than cooing doves, chirping sparrows, even songbirds sometimes…I need to slow down and focus today.  Yesterday I slipped up b/c I was trying to do too much: finish grading papers, get my car fixed at the mechanics, get to school in time for my “exit interview,” and collect final exams.  My office is in a state of total disarray, and so I don’t like being in there too long…plus it’s awkward saying goodbye over and over again–especially when the semester’s not over yet, and I’m likely to see everyone at graduation next week.  The mechanic was super nice, and told me it would cost about $300 to fix my broken mirror.  That’s a lot when I’m planning to sell the car, and so I talked to one of the salesmen about the car’s trade-in value; like I thought, it’s well below what I owe on the note, but then he started giving me tips on how to sell the car through craigslist.  And he thinks I could possibly get a lot more for it than the quotes I found online.  I just don’t want to do it!  Buying a car was so challenging and nerve-wracking for me…it was one of those moments when I really missed my dad, who had passed away the year before.  But I was in Louisiana, and I couldn’t get to my job without a car…so I found a dealership that didn’t seem shady and likely to rip off a woman driver, and everything turned out ok in the end.  I don’t like confrontations or conflict; people think I’m this fierce debater, but I don’t like to fight, don’t like having to defend myself.  I heard from my brother today, and don’t feel we’re any farther ahead than we were before.  As a writer, I value words more than anything almost, and yet the more words we put between us, the worse things seem to get.  Why are relationships with family so much harder than other relationships?!?  Anyway, I can’t think about it now–senior grades are due at 4 and I’ve got a workshop in Bed-Stuy at 1pm…hustle, hustle, hustle!  Here are some photos from the “Tween Book Club” at the central branch of the BPL; Shadra and I attended their discussion of Bird this past Monday–a great group of kids (and a great librarian)!