surrender

Before I left Montreal, I went to Moon Brew Magic—it’s a cafe that has a private alcove for tarot readings. One of the cards pulled was The Hanging Man, which represents surrender. I manage my anxiety by planning for any and every eventuality but that is exhausting so letting go of control definitely has its appeal. I haven’t been here in Birmingham for a week yet so I’m trying not to freak out over the fact that I haven’t found a flat yet. I did find one I liked last week but between the agent, the bot that kept sending more flats, and the finance guy, we haven’t moved forward. Apparently the latter has concerns about my credit history and bank accounts being in the US. I can’t open a UK account until I have an address so that means finding a landlord willing to trust my references and balances (which were already approved by the Home Office). Frustrating.

The hotel I chose has a kitchen and I’m moving to an Airbnb-type rental tomorrow so I’m figuring it out and trying not to stress about the expense. I left Canada with three suitcases for three years in the UK, which seemed impressive but was still challenging. I was sore for days when I finally arrived; my muscles clearly weren’t prepared to haul and lift and pull that kind of weight. But I found Birmingham just as I left it last spring—it has the same energy that makes me smile. I visited the botanical gardens on Wednesday and I returned to the main museum on Friday to take some notes about button production. Other cities I’ve visited have mascots: the bee in Manchester, owls in Leeds, the Liver birds in Liverpool. I haven’t seen anything comparable here so I’m starting with the intricate mother of pearl buttons that were produced by the thousands here. Today I’m also visiting the Pen Museum to learn about how those were manufactured over the centuries. I almost bought a ticket to Cadbury World but will put that off while I’m stress eating. I will find somewhere to live. I know I will. But being in that space of uncertainty is uncomfortable…I met a local writer yesterday and she kindly gave me a tour of her neighborhood. I could only find one flat there and it looks kind of cruddy but I’ll try to arrange a tour for next week. Being in the center of the city would make it easy to hop on the train and conduct research elsewhere in the country but all the big parks are farther out. And I need trees!

Time to face the day. People are already wearing bubble coats here but folks in North America would still be wearing their summer gear. It’s a season of adjustment for me…